Saturday, November 1, 2008

Retail Therapy

I am no angel. Let me make that perfectly clear. And sometimes I reach my limit.

Like today.

It is not my husband's fault that all this is going on in our lives, and I don't want to keep posting about my troubles. But right now, at the risk of saying too much, I need an outlet.

It's not anyone's fault, and yet we have to live with the end result. I lost it today and I slammed the door and I left. I did it because I was tired of the anger directed at me (where else to direct it, I ask you?), tired of the behavior, tired of my disheveled life. And so I slammed that door and left. I drove fast out the long tree-covered driveway and at the end, I pulled out my cell phone and called my sister Char.

I don't have a mother anymore. And I was feeling bad because I had to say my goodbye's to my father over the fricken telephone, for God's sake. Over the phone! To the father I adored! I couldn't leave my husband at the time. And everything felt like it was caving in at the moment. Everything. The damn disability. The doctor bills. The cheerful outlook I normally find so easy to attain, it all felt shot to hell.

My sister made me feel better. She had me laughing, at least. And when I told her I was on my way to the local mall for some retail therapy, she laughed out loud. I wish she lived down the street. And I could feel myself slow down a little, just thinking of her sweet face and hearing her voice.

At the mall, which was packed, by the way, I walked around in my own little world. And I soon felt myself strangely soothed by the sights of many beautiful things. They're just things, but the beauty of them just seemed to soothe my troubled mind. I found myself at the scarf section at Macy's, which is probably one of my favorite stores. I picked out a scarf that was perfect and on sale. And further marked down if you use your Macy's card.

I felt myself becoming calmer. My problems were receeding. And before I ended up spending too much money (like twenty dollars is a lot), I thought it was time to go. So I made my way out of the store, stopping at a display in my favorite section, the Jones New York casual line. There was a rich deep chocolate corduroy car jacket on display and I decided to try it on without even looking at the price tag. I put it on and walked the few steps to the mirror and when I slowly looked up at my reflection, I saw a somewhat-apprehensive, lovely person looking back at me. She looked younger than her years, but sad in the eyes. And with a shock, I realized that it was me.


Right then and there, I decided to buy the darn coat, regardless of the cost! And the cost, when I looked at the tag, was $169. So I took it over to the price tag reader and saw that it was on sale today, and if I used my Macy's card I could get it for less than half price.

And I smiled.

And I bought the damn coat, as you can see here, next to the famous hunter wallpaper. And life is good again. And whenever I wear this coat and this scarf, I will remember this day. And I will try my best to be more tolerant and patient. And I hope that I will always look this good when I see myself in a mirror!!

Until tomorrow, my friends . . .





PS ~ Thanks for listenin'.

31 comments:

Magnolia Street Style said...

First of all, you have great taste. I love the ensemble, so classy, you can wear that anywhere. Secondly, I read through the last few postings and I can only imagine the "unrealness" that your lives have taken. You and your husband are on a journey, and I'm glad that I met you on this leg of the journey. Just remember you are not alone.

Connie

Annette said...

Sometimes ya gotta shop! that is all there is to it. Love the jacket and scarf! Think of all the places and ways you can wear it! Plus it was on sale and you can get a lot of years out it. Plus it is a nice quality brand! Can ya tell I am good at justifying shopping! I've been there! Sometimes you just need to get out of the house and be alone and do something you enjoy. Just getting your mind off your troubles for a while really does you a world of good! Plus you ended up with a great jacket! Take Care!

Country Girl said...

Thanks, annette!

And welcome again, magnolia. Yeah, it's unreal. But it's my new reality. And it's ok. Really.

tj said...

...You go girl! If there's such a thing as a cyber hug I am sending one to you right this moment... Starting...now! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}Can you feel it? ;o)

...And might I add you are quite the lil' fashion diva! Gorgeous jacket and the most perfect scarf to accent it. I can just see you now, taking a late fall afternoon stroll down your winding driveway with your grand historic home as a backdrop, George at heel, gosh - you'll look just like a Talbot's commercial! (*giggle*) ;o)

...Seriously now, I know that this is such a tough time and has been for you for awhile now Kate. I'm so sorry that this is all happening to you and what seems to be one right after the other, but it will pass. There are better days ahead, I promise. And just like 'Connie' said up there, you are not alone...

...Many blessings & many hugs to you Miss Kate... :o)

Country Girl said...

Oh, tj! Yes, I can feel the love. Thanks for your sweet words. Yes, I do believe I will look like a Talbot's commercial!

Egghead said...

That is the most perfect jacket and scarf. You just need to do this sometimes. Hugs.

Andi (RrlScrapGal) said...

Gorgeous gorgeous colors! You do have great taste, and for goodness sakes, on sale even!

I can not imagine how conflicted you were 'in that space' when you were on the phone having to say goodbye to your father..... and having your husband going through cancer... horrid...

Deb said...

Oh, dear Kate...I wish you the best and desperately hope that you will see sunshine soon. I feel as though we are somehow connected by some of the things you choose to reveal as my life has never been like it is now. what my sister tells me is that no one is to blame. It is not our fault. We do not deserve these awful things that are happening. And the only thing that keeps me going is this "you are at the bottom and things can only go up from here". I have to believe that. You have to believe that. We have to believe that.
So, I pray. On my knees, even. Pray that life gets easier for all of us. And honestly, I am beginning to see a little tiny pin hole of sunlight in the distance.
Can you see it too, Kate? It's right there...squint your eyes.... Things will get better.

DesertHen said...

Sometimes reality just bites and a little retail shopping makes one feel better. I love the jacket and scarf...very classy.

Sending (((HUGS)))) to you.

Suzysoo said...

No one can be serene and patient all the time. Especially going through what you are going through.

Bless you, we are all rooting for you.

But you shoulda bought some boots as well to go with that gorgeous jacket and scarf-whatever were you thinking!!:)

Jen said...

I'm sorry things are hard right now.

...but, I like your coat.

/hugs

EmmyRedneck said...

That is GORGEOUS, Kate! Oh I looooove the colors! I'll bet you look stunning in it too...
And yes, sometimes you just gotta get out there and shop. Retail therapy, while not always kind on the wallet, can be very forgiving on the mind.

Maria said...

Kate-that jacket and scarf are stunning. Sometimes you need to bring something beautiful home to help get a fresh outlook on things. So sorry for this hard time. I'm with Suzysoo, if things start to get to you again, you need some boots.

Molly said...

I so understand how you feel, and it's normal to react that way to the incessant demands an illness like that makes, especially on the one who is not ill.

Your scarf and jacket are so beautiful...feeding your soul will be good for everyone else too. You can't keep pouring yourself out without some "refueling" now and again.

Hilary said...

I'm glad you were able to cut yourself some slack and do something nice for yourself. You're dealing with more than most of us can imagine and you're doing it with grace.

I love the colours in that scarf.

debbie peterson said...

Love the jacket and scarf........You have been in my thoughts and prayers....Keep the Faith....God will never give you more than you and him can handle together...Besides shopping,what else makes you feel better than a great dessert!!!!!!!!!Have something really good today.........Milkshakes from Chick-fa-la are awesome.....Closed on sunday :( Tomorrow is another day.....Eat the leftover Halloween candy!!!!!!!!!

Laura ~Peach~ said...

some times retail therapy is all there is to cure the frustrations of the reality we call life... and you got a wonderful jacket and scarf and think half price tooo BINGO!!!!
you are not alone and you guys are in our prayers~!
Ness typed something the other day that had me laughing out loud and I love it and warned her I was gonna take it and use it... so here is it... She called prayers Jesus juice... and my dear friend Jesus juice is being poured all over you :D
Love n hugs
Laura

Mary said...

You go, girl. Two thumbs WAY up for retail therapy! LOVE the coat and scarf. ;)

After all you've been through, you certainly need to take a little time to be alone and do something just for you. Wish I could be there to go shopping with you. :)
xoxo,
Mary

Russell said...

Retail Theraphy. I like that! What I like even more is that you allowed yourself to express your emotions AND that you did something about them!

Going to a mall, calling your sister, yelling at life -- all these things and more are proactive things. Holding everything inside eats you up. Letting it out allows your soul to breath!

I often think that perhaps if I had yelled more often or been more vocal about various things in my life, my life would be much different. We all just do the best we can - but I think it is wonderful you allowed yourself to let go and let it out. That is a very healthy thing to do!

I like your new coat and scarf, too - even though my tastes in clothes, etc. is quite limited! They are very nice and I am happy you got them.

Take care!

Treasia said...

Kate I am sending hugs your way. I wish I were closer and we could retail together, cry together, and vent together as well. Holding your emotions in is not good for you or anybody else. It will eat you up inside. Sometimes you have to let it go, no matter how it comes out. AT least it's out and not inside anymore gnawing at you.

I love the coat and scarf. Gorgeous colors together.

willow said...

Oh, oh, oh, don't we have the same taste in clothes?! I have a weakness for jackets and scarves and I would have snatches these babies up in a heartbeat! Sometimes nothing soothes quite like a new little perk to the old wardrobe.

Still love that cool hunter wallpaper and thinking of you today.

Mental P Mama said...

Just walking into a store like Macy's and inhaling deeply sets the world right again. I think your new purchases are divine. And glad yo got out and did that.

Shimmy Mom said...

AND the scarf and jacket go perfectly together. I bet you look AMAZING in them.

I'm so glad that you are feeling a little better. It is a hard thing you're going through, and you have every right to be upset. The real you is still there, it's just stressed. But you're going to get through this! And when you have a bad day, we'll always listen.

Wish I was close enough to give you a real hug, but for now my cyber on will have to do.
*hugs*

Jo said...

Kate, I have been exactly where you are now. My heart goes out to you. Let your anger out. Vent! Yell! Shout! Holler! Depression is anger turned inwards, and I learned that the hard way. The very hard way.

Your coat and scarf is lovely. You deserve it. You have earned it. I will just bet you look gorgeous in them.

Retail therapy works every time, doesn't it?

I'm keeping you and your hubby in my thoughts.

Annie said...

Kate..I am soo pleased you were able to get these feelings out..thru retail therapy and also blogging..thank you for being real with us...

I am a little concerned for your husband..does he also have some friends too to chat to, etc...it is sometimes harder for men to share what is going on in their lives, and their minds..and I guess that probably means you are the one who has to be there all for him...or not? Gosh I sound like your mother or something.

;-)

Prayers for you both everyday Kate, you are both on my list!

Annie

ps Are you able to get away for little trips to the beach..for some fishing perhaps...there is nothing like the ocean, or the water, is there?

Debra (a/k/a Doris, Mimi) said...

Hope your retail therapy was fun. You have fabulous taste - love the scarf and jacket! We all need a pick me up now and then to make us feel whole and new. Enjoy!

dlyn said...

Love the jacket and scarf! And none of us are angels, but sometimes we get to impersonate one for awhile and I have a feeling you do that more than I do. Blessings to you my friend.

womaninawindow said...

OH, you gorgeous, gorgeous woman, you. Vent any time. Fly away in your car with your scarf a splash in the night, and I'll come and read and weep. (I feel like I know you and you're lovely.)

Daryl said...

Beautiful purchases .. wear them both in the best of health (both of you!)... I wish you could have joined me on my Saturday out and about ... or that I was closer so I could have joined you ...

Sometimes its good to explode .. if you hold it all in you'll implode and that would not be good at all ...

xoxox

:-Daryl

Chocolate Cat said...

What a beautiful scarf and coat! It's the little things that will get you through and you will treasure these.

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