I am no angel. Let me make that perfectly clear. And sometimes I reach my limit.
It is not my husband's fault that all this is going on in our lives, and I don't want to keep posting about my troubles. But right now, at the risk of saying too much, I need an outlet.
It's not anyone's fault, and yet we have to live with the end result. I lost it today and I slammed the door and I left. I did it because I was tired of the anger directed at me (where else to direct it, I ask you?), tired of the behavior, tired of my disheveled life. And so I slammed that door and left. I drove fast out the long tree-covered driveway and at the end, I pulled out my cell phone and called my sister Char.
I don't have a mother anymore. And I was feeling bad because I had to say my goodbye's to my father over the fricken telephone, for God's sake. Over the phone! To the father I adored! I couldn't leave my husband at the time. And everything felt like it was caving in at the moment. Everything. The damn disability. The doctor bills. The cheerful outlook I normally find so easy to attain, it all felt shot to hell.
My sister made me feel better. She had me laughing, at least. And when I told her I was on my way to the local mall for some retail therapy, she laughed out loud. I wish she lived down the street. And I could feel myself slow down a little, just thinking of her sweet face and hearing her voice.
At the mall, which was packed, by the way, I walked around in my own little world. And I soon felt myself strangely soothed by the sights of many beautiful things. They're just things, but the beauty of them just seemed to soothe my troubled mind. I found myself at the scarf section at Macy's, which is probably one of my favorite stores. I picked out a scarf that was perfect and on sale. And further marked down if you use your Macy's card.
I felt myself becoming calmer. My problems were receeding. And before I ended up spending too much money (like twenty dollars is a lot), I thought it was time to go. So I made my way out of the store, stopping at a display in my favorite section, the Jones New York casual line. There was a rich deep chocolate corduroy car jacket on display and I decided to try it on without even looking at the price tag. I put it on and walked the few steps to the mirror and when I slowly looked up at my reflection, I saw a somewhat-apprehensive, lovely person looking back at me. She looked younger than her years, but sad in the eyes. And with a shock, I realized that it was me.
Right then and there, I decided to buy the darn coat, regardless of the cost! And the cost, when I looked at the tag, was $169. So I took it over to the price tag reader and saw that it was on sale today, and if I used my Macy's card I could get it for less than half price.
And I smiled.
And I bought the damn coat, as you can see here, next to the famous hunter wallpaper. And life is good again. And whenever I wear this coat and this scarf, I will remember this day. And I will try my best to be more tolerant and patient. And I hope that I will always look this good when I see myself in a mirror!!
Until tomorrow, my friends . . .
PS ~ Thanks for listenin'.