Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Vignette #2

When I wrote the title for yesterday’s post, I had no idea at the time that I’d be doing version #2, and that version #2 was the dark side.

Based upon comments, readers of this blog come here for many reasons, one of the largest being the peaceful feeling they get when they open my page. So I’m not about to blow you all out of the water by complaining about my life.

But it is a much different perspective than yesterday’s post.

It began with a tree coming down in the driveway you see here. Our driveway is 1/3 mile long and runs through a large section of wooded area, but so far we’ve only had two trees down since we moved here just over a year ago. I think that’s pretty good odds. I also thought it was pretty fortunate that my husband was in the car this morning, as he was driving me to work because of an appointment we had for him later in the afternoon.

DSC_0645 copy 4

It wasn’t my fault that the tree went down where it did, but I want you to know that it was my fault that there was hardly any gas in the car when my husband started it up to warm up this morning. I must have done some other things to set him off, and the tree was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

I don’t expect him to embrace the fact that I tend to let the gas tank go to empty before I fill it, but I do expect him to accept this fact. I have always been this way and it works for me. I have come to accept many annoying things about him, so that’s all I have to say about that.

I found out this morning that I care much more about my hair than I do about filling up the car. That I suck when it comes to money. That I hate cooking. That I’m very inconsistent. I don’t know what else he said because at this point, I went to my happy place and there were bluebirds singing and bunny rabbits hopping.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It continued into the afternoon when life threw me another curve and the appointment was changed to a different place at a different time. So there was more yelling. I want you to know some more things I learned about me while driving to the appointment. I can find every single pothole and bump in the road from here to kingdom come, and I also take the most moronic route to get to my destination. I don’t know how to drive and I get ‘out of control’ when I see one of the parents at school running a stop sign and almost hitting my car.

Just so’s you know who you’re dealing with here. Sometimes I just suck.

My husband and I live from MRI to MRI. His brain is scanned every two months for tumor recurrence and has been for the past five years. And today was scan day.

It just gets old sometimes. And if it does for me, I can’t imagine how it makes him feel.

So it ain’t all sweetness and light over here. And please don’t comment and tell me I don’t suck. I know I really don’t. I just get sick of it all.

And I’m sure I’ll be back to normal tomorrow. Besides, it’s always been easy for me to find my happy place.

Love,

66 comments:

Karen said...

Well, please.. tell me how to get to that happy place on those kind of days.....I'm still trying to figure that part out. Oh, you are SOOO not alone.

Deb said...

Truly Kate, there really are worse people in the world than you :)

I'm sorry you had "THAT" kind of day. They really do suck....suck the joy right out of your soul for sure.

Glad you can find that happy place to retreat to. I'm sure it is what saves your sanity.

Tomorrow will be a BETTER day!

Deb said...

I just want to know who mowed the property in that lovely criss cross pattern.
And, just for the record, I suck quite frequently. Lately, I cannot control my mouth. Yep, it runs rampant all by itself. Everytime I do something nice for my MIL, she finds reason to a) refuse to eat the meal I prepared, 2) yells out in pain as I rub her chest in with Vicks or 3) becomes extremely insulted when I place a dish towel on her chest to keep the food off of her sweater.
It's been one of those days, yep it has.
I desperately need a vacation.
Excuse the typos because I cannot find my spell check thingie.

Jack Matthews said...

No, it's not all sweetness and light. Goodness knows, how would we know sweetness and light unless some tree fell in the driveway and other events cascade into chaos-country living? I sometimes wonder how Brenda and I can have fierce words living out here in the Texas brush, but we do. I hope the scan went well and things begin to settle down, return to some kind of order. What a mess we make of things sometimes. I like your new photo that leads your blog.

Michelle said...

Glad that we can find happy places.

olivia said...

Imagine me taking your hand as we run off to that happy place w/ bluebirds and bunnies and spend the day taking photos ... :*

Donna S. said...

Hey, we can handle a little complaining once in a while. We're still here!! :)

TSannie said...

Not to worry, your happy place is with Ms. LaLa and me in CT this weekend. No sorry thoughts allowed here! Not even one!
Give the hubs a hug for me. Or tell George to. xoabb

Sue said...

As the song goes......some days are diamonds, somedays are stones---

Tyra said...

Big hugs to you. MRI days are awful. You and your sweetie are very brave.

-- Tyra

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

Isn't wonderful to have a blog where we can let it all out, know we're accepted no matter what our mood - and that we are not alone.

A dip in the chronicle.

Hope things feel better for you both tomorrow.

Jo said...

Kate, I have a feeling you will be back to your happy place very soon. You and I seem to be on the same wavelength these past few days. I did a post today about people who are chronically malcontent, and how sometimes you have to just smack them up the side of the head and tell them to smarten up.

In your case, however, your crappy day was well-deserved. Tomorrow will be a better day, I can almost promise you that...! :-)

Dessa Wolf said...

You can't have the light without the dark. We all walk there sometimes when the sun refuses to shine and the wind blows cold. Been there...done that...and will again.

These Nine Acres said...

Thank God for happy places. Mine is on a hilltop in Maine with wild blueberry bushes and nothing to hear but the birds.

P.S. I had that kinda day on Saturday.

Oliag said...

...just read the previous post before I read this...had to chuckle when I read what a difference a day can make:)...

Sweetpea said...

Oh yeah and 10 soggyrainy days in a row really super SUCKS even tho this is the Pacific Northwest where *depression* is everyones middle name and then me dang dawg taught herself the SUCKY bahd habit of hole digging today and was up to her armpits in mud and you know what else SUCKS well that's *organic* apples at the store that cost ya an arm and a leg and then SUCK IT ALL if they aren't mushy & ya gotta toss em on the compost heap and to top that off I super SUCK at remembering to turn the heat lamp on in the pump house so if it freezes out there it will be my SUCK'IN fault wow but one thing is certain and that is that I sure hope I don't SUCK at commiserating.

BUSH BABE said...

You know Kate, I think we all realise that you have had your share (and more) of challenges to happiness. But what makes you so appealing is that, despite it all, you lift your eyes and see the beauty. I call it 'cropping the crap out'... you can call it what you like.

You're real. So are we. We just like ya, that's all!!!
:-)
BB

Sugar Creek Beads said...

Could you give me directions to that happy place? What a bummer of a day and boy how naughty you were to push that tree over. Why is it that our men think we do everything wrong one day and the next it is all sweetness, is it part of that Mars place they are from? Glad I am from Venus when they talk like that. Tommorrow will bring smiles! Jeanne

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Thanks God for those happy places, and thank God you're normal and have rotten days, although I'm sorry you had a rotten one today.

But most of all thank you for making me feel proud that I, too, suck with money and let my gas run as low as possible- almost like Kramer in that Seinfeld episode where he sees how far he can go without refueling and it's almost a thrill, like bungee jumping, to purposely not get gas. (Hopefully you know what I'm talking about.)

Did it tonight. It was either run out of gas or miss the DMV before it closed. I made it to the damn DMV even though that was a futile visit based on some crappety crap crap related to my vehicle's registration. As in I have none and can't until other parties pay their personal property taxes. Anyway.

I proudly got back into my car, needle below the "e" and mashed the gas pedal as I pulled out of there on two wheels. Made it to the gas station and begrudgingly filled up. Hate getting gas!

Enjoy this weekend, it will make everything right again. Friends always do.

Hilary said...

This, too, shall pass, Kate.
Thinkin' of ya.

tainterturtles said...

I love your honesty. You deserve a big piece of cheesecake. Maybe a good strong espresso too (hee, hee).

If you were complaining, you did it in a very nice way...nicely said.

God Bless our husbands!

Caroline said...

Thank you for your honesty! Life does suck...and sometimes I suck too. Thank goodness for new days. And tomorrow is a new day :)

Mary said...

(((((HUGS))))) Hope tomorrow is a better day, Kate. :)

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

It reminds me of myself in my younger days,when in the throes of PMS I'd say awful things to my husband, feeling perfectly justified, and then----I'd realize WHY I was acting so horrid, and I felt soooo BAD about it. Just the other day, my sister said "I acted terrible, just out of control, and them I'd realize what time of the month it was, but it was too late to take back all the mean things I'd said." Stress and fear and just plain feeling bad causes us to lash out at those we love sometimes---yeah, it sucks for the person taking it AND the person dishing it out. I've been on both sides and I'm not sure which feels worse. Hope test results are good and life feels better. V.

Cloudia said...

I love you all the more!



Aloha, Friend


Comfort Spiral

Greener Pastures--A City Girl Goes Country said...

Sounds like life. It goes up. It goes down. It goes up again.

Maureen said...

Been there, done that. I could say sooo much and I agree with most of what has been said but at the end of day, what does yelling do other than add fuel to the fire? I no longer participate in arguments or yelling. I don't have that kind of energy.

cottage farm villa said...

Wow, Kate, what a contrast to yesterday's post! REAL life, huh?

And yes, it must get very "old" for hubby. Us wives are so anxious and frightened of those "results" ... I can't imagine what our hubbys must really be feeling.

You both are an inspiration to all of us.

And tomorrow you won't suck!

bv said...

our son had a heart transplant in 1992...rejection for about 3 years. i would try to head off the test results but one time he got them at home-me at work-i came home to the phone-those days, on a cord!- in the middle of the yard...thru the french door. bad results. So hard to wait for them. IT SUCKS all the way around!
we do the best we can do....i know both of you do. thats all we can ask.

Char said...

it's real life...it's real life with an illness. i can remember being so angry with my mother as she would let pain get so bad and would wait until one of us would be home from work and no doctors in their office, so she would have to go to the ER. this is real life. we all have to blow a gasket from time to time or else the pressure cooker is shot to heck and back.

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Boy,hon. I do know what it's like to go from test to test. My life goes in 3 month increments. They say in 2 more years, I'll be able to breathe freely and not worry any more, but that's not very likely. I came in a worrier, I'll go out the same way.

All that being said, I think we might need to hold Blogfest 2010 in your happy place. With the bunnies and the birdies, it sounds as idyllic as the Sea Shanty, and then some. Hugs.

Sue said...

Okay....you can have days when you just suck...but we still love you.

troutay said...

Well, in addition to the "list", I have been told I am a bad housekeeper. I mean, who wouldn't love to clean up after people?

Without days like this, we would never really appreciate the good days. And really, we always say the most hateful things to the people we love the most, don't we?

And men are horrible when they are scared. And he has to go through this all the time and hates it.
No excuses for him. Civility even in the worst of times is what makes us better people.

But I like you. And so do all the other people here. Here is hoping you have a better day tomorrow.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Hugs to you, Country Girl. Those MRI scans are awful, especially if you're claustrophobic, as I am. I've had a few also due to my epilepsy and I panic, pressing that button constantly.

Trees and drive ways look beautiful. But when tree hits driveway, it's not such a nice feeling.

CJ xx

Barb T. said...

Kate--I had that kind of day on Thursday--yup, Thanksgiving. Suffice it to say, my boyfriend came quite close to wearing a 13 lb. turkey shirt. He almost got it in the back after my family left. It was a horrible day, and it was all my fault along with reminders of the loss of a hat in New Hampshire, parking not between the lines at the grocery store, making a bad motel choice in Franconia, driving too slow or too fast, buying the wrong kind of dip, and not liking goat milk cheese!! You get my picture?!

maillady said...

and this to shall pass. love ya kate

wildbanshee said...

Well lets see what do I suck at, spending to much money, washing dishes, singing, dieting. But in the same breath I'm great at spending money, washing dishes, singing, and dieting, that is in my world.
As far as happy place in the mountains of virginia sitting by a babbling river, with a good book and a Ice Cold Pepsi!!!

Golden West said...

Some days are just like that...

Debbie said...

Sometimes being divorced and single, I can get a bit sad because I miss a lot of things couples do together......and then I'm reminded of days like this. I surely don't miss them! :)

Hopefully all is well after the scan.

Hilary said...

I can't imagine how incredibly stressful MRI days are for the both of you. You understand the physiology behind the behaviour though I'm sure that makes it all the more difficult in some ways. I feel for you both. Hugs to you, Kate.

Simply Heather said...

You're not alone in the feelings of "sometimes, it just gets old". I even feel that way with my own crappy attitude some days.

Marilyn said...

But that's life. Have to take the red river glow and the full moon, with a downed tree and empty gas tank. What's that old saying...can't live with them.....

JFKlaver said...

I was in a sucky mood yesterday due to my husband's latest scan (a tumor they thought was "dead" suddenly "grew"). I screamed and yelled and ranted and raved. Really a bitchy thing to do, but I did it anyway. A really sucky day. Can I borrow your happy place?

Gayle said...

Love what Marilyn said and I say "ditto". Continued good wishes for you and yours.

Mental P Mama said...

GAH. I have just the cure.

Laura ~Peach~ said...

your darling and mine must be related... it never ceases to amaze me how quickly i fall apart and become the wife from hell when his day has gone to shit... Love you love george and love the good the bad and the ugly because it assures me it is all right in the world... speak of the devil my honey just walked in... hes sick... I need to leave FAST!

Donalyn said...

Some days just suck. Fortunately, not all of them. If they did, there would be a shallow grave in our back yard. I'm not sure which of us would be in it, but I know it would be there ;)

Daryl said...

With all this praise and commiseration all I can add is .. pick me up as early as you please on Saturday .. in fact you can come right now actually and I promise to have a bagel for you and I wont forget the milk

xo

Barefoot from Heaven said...

The fact dear Kate that you are honest enough to open yourself up to us (some of us you really really don't even 'know') I think is wonderful and a super gift. It must bring you lots of goods for your spirit and soul. Stay like this forever and I'm sure many others can and will learn from you.
Thank you for being so frank and open. You are an example for me.

Be well and you and your husband are in my prayers (health wise).
Sweet hugs Dagmar

Amy said...

I think you need to get back into bed and get out on the right side when you get up again, it's obvious you got up on the wrong side of the bed today and your day has just been going wrong from the get go....I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day and you're not alone in having moments where you think you suck- knowing full well you don't...you're just a normal human being going through a heck of a lot...hang in there my friend...when you're skimming the bottom, there is only one way to go- up.....

tracey said...

Thank you for your honesty. After reading blogs that are all sugar and sweet, it's refreshing and encouraging to know that others are having bad days out there too. :)

The Japanese Redneck said...

We all suck sometime. But I'm glad you know how to find your happy place.

CarlaHR said...

Kate, having read all the previous comments I really don't have anything to add except to say that I hope the MRI results are good. Wishing you better days when you don't have to "retreat" to your happy place.

A New England Life said...

Well thank god you're only human Kate! Sometimes we all suck, it's just that some people suck more than others. Ha ha!

Isn't it odd how one day everything can be so good in a marriage and the next day you wonder why in hell you ever married that person to begin with?

Is it Friday yet??? Hang in there girl!

Snappy Di said...

I am always in that happy place unless I am attacked verbally for no good reason. Then, as in Fried Green Tomatoes, I become Tawanda!!!!

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

Kris said...

find that happy place, sweety! I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Nice to find your blog today!

Raph G. Neckmann said...

You are even more loveable than before! And thank you for sharing your 'happy place' with us - and for the wonderful shell photo you sent me weeks ago and which I've now posted about! It has given us all so much pleasure.

Suzanne said...

Men, what else is there to say, change the wrapping and they're pretty much the same.
I am glad you have a happy place, I'll have to look harder for mine.

beth said...

real life, real feelings, real hurt, real sucky day...

but you my dear, don't suck....OH SHUT IT....I know you told me not to say that, but I did....SO THERE !

did you just throw a pillow at me ?

anyhow....we love you...and we are always here for you...even on those days when you want to drop him off curbside and leave him there for a few hours...

you are never alone....

Kacey said...

Yuck, I hate days like that. I won't tell you that my dh fills my car up for me about 90% of the time.

And as for that happy place? You must show me where it is because I need it badly right now!

Another Sister said...

Roses are red, Violets are blue
The rollercoaster called Life
Can be exhausting, it's true
But you can't get off, Laughing or crying
You just stay on
Singing or sighing
Tomorrow will be smoother, You hope and you pray
Just keep us posted
About your day

KristiDee Photography by Kristi France... said...

Well, I am 7 months pregnant and just sick of it at this point to be completely honest, working a more than full time day job, and trying to make a go of this photography thing on the side, among a million other things...So I have been a bit stressed out to say the least...and a bit more emotional than usual which my husband doesn't know how to deal with very well. I suck most days these days...Oh, the joys of marriage and life! Wishing you a brighter day tomorrow!

Diane said...

Um yeah. The Old Goat excels at these conversations. I won't even talk about his running commentary on how I make Thanksgiving dinner. If I said even a quarter of the things he says to me.... Well, someone has to make a marriage work. Not that I'm a bowl of cherries all the time either.
All this to say "I hear you and I'm returning one of the many hugs you sent me over the last few weeks".
My happy place has bunnies too!

Jerry Jones said...

Please don't take this the wrong way, but, I find it refreshing to observe others have these kind of days also, comes to show We're all human.

I think we all can relate with you, we all have sucky shitty days,and some are compounded hourly, these are the worst, for they really try our patience to the quick.

Hope your tomorrow is brighter than your dark yesterday, just remember, today is yesterdays tomorrow.

Say hi to George for me. : )

Egghead said...

Awww Kate I am so sorry that those sucky days are around. Of course we all have them, some of us more than others. I know how you feel and I understand how he feels about those constant nagging tests and what they may mean. Hang in there....we love you!

Spruce Hill said...

Sorry you had such a bad day. A better one is on the way!