My Hall of Shame

An old friend e-mailed me today, and among other things told me about something really embarassing that had just happened to her. She was really shaken up about it. I told her to look at my post today because we all have those moments. And that someday, she can laugh about it. Really, looking back on one of my most memorable shameful moments, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me now. 


I had been camping with my family, down in Ocracoke NC and we were packing to leave for home. I was pulling out tent stakes, big wooden ones, because we were camped in the dunes by the beach. But that last stake was a tough one and when I finally got it out of the ground, I felt my back twinge. By the time we got up to the ferry and were waiting for it to arrive, I had to take a couple of Tylenols. We had 8 hours of driving ahead of us and I was driving the VW Beetle and my husband was in our VW Eurovan. My back twinged and hurt all the way home, but I turned up the AC and turned on the heated seat and that seemed to help. That night, I found that I couldn't lie down in bed to sleep, not in any position. I had to sit on the couch to sleep. The second day, it only got worse and well, to make a long story short, I called my friend Mary who told me I had to go to her chiropractor. Immediately. 


I'd never been to one before and wasn't sure what to expect. I called and made an emergency appointment because by now I was in such pain and just wanted relief. Mary told me, "I need to warn you. My chiropractor is really handsome", she said. "He's excellent; it's just that he's really gorgeous. I wanted you to be prepared for that." At the time, I couldn't have cared less. I hurt so bad. It took me over an hour to get to his place, and I had gotten the first appointment in the morning. When I went in, I had totally forgotten what Mary had told me about his looks. But when he came out of his office, OMG, Mary was not lying. 


This guy was George Clooney wrapped up in a white doctor coat. And he was the nicest man. I was practically in tears because of my back. After he took x-rays and found that my back was all twisted, he had me lie sideways on the table. I'm sure that if you've been to a chiropractor, you've had this done. He told me to cross my arms over my chest and move my one leg up to them and then take a deep breath and let it out. And that I shouldn't worry, this wouldn't hurt. I took my breath and let it out and he cracked my back so well, and (and this is my shameful part) I let out the biggest fart I had ever experienced in my life. Oh God, I was mortified. I mean, it was huge. Like a man fart. I could have cried. 


But bless him, this wonderful man, he told me that this sort of thing happens all the time. He said it's natural for it to happen and it meant I was really relaxed. I felt a little better. Still mortified, though. I went to 3 more appointments and at the last one, he told me that I should do 3 exercises each day. He demonstrated each exercise, even getting down on the floor for one of them. Afterward, when he asked me if I had gotten all that, I don't know what demon inside me said that no, I hadn't. I just wanted to see him do them again. So I asked if he could repeat them, really quickly. 


While this handsome doctor was doing those exercises again, I was thinking to myself, "I am a bad, bad person for making him do this." But I knew I'd never see him again and well, I just wanted to see him do those exercises one more time . . . 


So, to my friend who had the bad day . . . does this make you feel just a little bit better? I am a shameless farting hussy. And I'm saying it out loud for all to hear. And people, don't judge me. If you had seen this guy, and he had asked you if you needed to see those exercises one more time, you may have done the same thing I did.