I don’t have anything to say tonight as I write this. It’s been a blech sort of day. Yesterday’s post took it all out of me, I guess. Ha! I’m not trying to elicit sympathy either. God, please don’t think that. I’ve been to so many positive, wonderful blogs where people are doing the best with what life deals them and I’m just another person who’s making the best out of a bad situation.
I thank you for your kindness and your concern, not only to my regular readers but to all the new faces I keep seeing here. But sometimes I just suck. Today I was just not motivated. I’m sick and tired of things. I sometimes have to force myself to take a walk with George every day and even though today I almost didn’t do it, I was glad I did in the end. A walk just clears your mind sometimes. Shortly after I came back in the house there was a knock on the front door. I wasn’t happy when I looked out the window before opening it only to see a meat delivery truck with a young man sitting inside and another young man standing on my steps and talking to George who was on the lawn.
When I opened the door, young man #2 started exclaiming how beautiful my dog was. I just looked at him. He extended his hand and I looked at him and asked what he wanted. He said he’d just been in the neighborhood next door and thought he’d drop by here to see if I’d be interested in . . . I cut in and told him I wasn’t interested in anything. I can’t afford it either, I told him. And he asks me how I knew that. How I knew that I couldn’t afford it.
Loudly, I said BECAUSE I KNOW. Now, please leave. And I shut the door in his face.
He didn’t look very happy as I looked out the window, but he pretended to be as he bounded back down the front steps. I never smiled once. I’m usually very nice, but I was just so taken aback that people think they can just show up at your front door and give you a sales pitch. And how do I know they’re not scoping the place out to come back some time when we’re not home? I wanted him to think we were poor (which we sort of are) just in case they were thinking of coming back.
Do I sound paranoid?
I don’t trust anyone around here. It’s a long driveway and we’re still somewhat isolated where we are. This Saturday I was out in the yard, raking the leaves from under the bushes and a little car pulled up with a man inside who apologized for intruding but he was just interested in where the road went.
I smiled and told him it went here and he was now on private property and pointed out where he could turn around the car.
He kept apologizing for intruding, telling me he worked for UPS, lived on such and such a street in the nearby town, had 2 little girls and he was a nice guy. He was just interested in history and the old houses in the area. I kept my distance and told him these were all nice things but it was time for him to go.
It’s not that I’m afraid. I’m just really wary. I just don’t feel as safe because my husband isn’t the strong man he used to be. I’ll get used to it I guess. I mean it’s not like I need a man around to protect me or anything, but damn they are nice to have sometimes, aren’t they?
Despite my wariness, it’s a good place to hide out for awhile. And besides, George is happy here.
Until tomorrow, dear friends . . .
PS~Hope you like the little hyacinth. I’m sure I’ll be more cheerful tomorrow. The blech never lasts too long.