Saturday, September 11, 2010

Casting on

MRI day for my husband this afternoon. Every two months for the rest of his life. We arrive at the usual place, the place where he’s most comfortable, which is a drive from our house. We have one closer to us, but he doesn’t like it there. I don’t like it there either.

Anyway, we arrive on time and I begin to fill out the same paperwork I’ve been filling out for six years. And then we sit and wait. Some time goes by and then we’re told that it will be another hour, that they’re running behind.

Anger and apologies and he ends up walking out. I stay and find out that there are no Saturday appointments and this is our only option. I tell them we’ll return.

We get in the car and I take him for a drive, ending up 15 minutes away at the canal town near where we used to live. I think that maybe seeing the water will calm him down, so I park close to it, in front of a shop and turn off the car.

He says “You may as well go in.”

DSC_0261 copy 2

I realize I’m at the yarn shop, one of my favorite haunts in days gone by. I haven’t knit in years, but I get out of the car while he stays outside.

I walked around and then was greeted by the shop owner who said she hadn’t seen me in awhile. I used to knit scarves years ago, selling them in my friend’s shop. But then I began blogging and it really cut into my knitting time . . .

I bought some yarn and we headed back to the imaging center and as I waited for my husband, I began to cast on. But I couldn’t remember how. I sat there, with my eyes closed, and tried to do it by memory. Over and over, I tried.

Eventually, I ended up collecting my things, getting back into the car and driving back to the shop where I was taken to the knitting room in the back and reminded how to cast on. I also bought a book to brush up on my skills.

Knitting is so calming. I’ve missed it.

~ :: ~ ~ :: ~ ~ :: ~

Tonight I sat at the bottom of the back staircase and listened to my son play the piano in his bedroom. It was so beautiful, it nearly made me cry.

He’s gotten even better since I heard him last and I wished I could record it.

Tomorrow will be better. I just know it will.

Thanks for listening. I’m always glad you came by. You know who you are. Thanks just for being there.

Respectfully submitted,

62 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dee from Tennessee

Awwww Kate -- just sending you a hug, a big ol' hug. ♥ ♥ ♥

Teri said...

It must be so nerve-wracking for the both of you. I can see why he would be frustrated... he just wanted to get the darn thing over with.

{{HUGS}}

Coloradolady said...

Sorry Kate...what a rotten day....hope your weekend is much better! Enjoy each other!

deborah said...

Praying for you, that you will find solace in your knitting, your photography and your son's music. Its the little things that give us hope for another time, another day. Peace and hugs, my dear.

Dawn Dutton said...

Knitting will help you alot.. Will keep you close in thought and prayers...

Laura ~Peach~ said...

i have a piano cant play it... send him to me :)

JC said...

I can't even imagine what you go through. I've had so many mri's in my life. I'm always glad when I'm done.

I'm in my hiding mode at the moment. Not going to any Dr. at all just in case they say I need to go visit that machine again.

And, I so get the going to where you like it. I'm with ya there. Been in bad ones and well, you want the bigger ones with the music.

Knitting, well, I never learned. Maybe it's the thing to get me through the crazies around my life.

Hope it's good news for you H.

xo xo xo

Cloudia said...

*Hug*





Aloha from Waikiki

Comfort Spiral

Michelle said...

You KNIT?!?

Annie said...

I hate it when doctors are running late and you have to wait. I always used to take my knitting!

Knitting is the "in" thing these days. Knitting "groups" popping up all over. Including in NYC.

A lady here in Queensland (Australia) has published a knitting book: Wild Tea Cozies. And another one..Really Wild Tea Cozies!

I have a friend who has knitted her way through the books in the last year, and then she and her daughter had a High Tea to raise money for research for Motor Neurone disease, selling the tea cozies.

See the photos on my blog post

http://annielul.blogspot.com/2010/08/tea-cosies-and-high-tea.html

You may also enjoy the kookaburras who visited me one day:

http://annielul.blogspot.com/2010/08/kookaburras.html

Of course there's always the wonderful annual display of orchids on my trees in the front yard, Kate:

http://annielul.blogspot.com/2010/08/kookaburras.html

If you follow the link to the High Tea tea cozies, you will find a link for the Really Wild Tea Cozy lady (Grand Purl Baa). She is quite a funny lady, and has a reference to the NYC knitting group "New York Subway Knitters on Ravelry" on her latest post, along with a wonderful photo of a very colorful King Parrot.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend Kate. Best wishes from Australia!

Amy said...

Hi my friend, I've missed your blog..life has been rocky lately and I left blog world for awhile but I'm back..I see things have been rocky for you and your husband also. I think life does that sometimes, gets you so busy doing other things that you forget things that were important to you...things you enjoyed. I'm glad you found your way back to a hobby you enjoyed and I hope you and your husband won't have such a frustrating time at his next appointment...and what a great treat to hear your son's music and have it touch your heart in the way it did....warm hugs from Norway..

Amy said...

Hi my friend, I've missed your blog..life has been rocky lately and I left blog world for awhile but I'm back..I see things have been rocky for you and your husband also. I think life does that sometimes, gets you so busy doing other things that you forget things that were important to you...things you enjoyed. I'm glad you found your way back to a hobby you enjoyed and I hope you and your husband won't have such a frustrating time at his next appointment...and what a great treat to hear your son's music and have it touch your heart in the way it did....warm hugs from Norway..

Barb T. said...

Dear Kate--When my parents' health began deteriorating, I picked up knitting after a veeerrry long hiatus. Thru dr. apts and rehab centers, it was the one constant comfort in my life. Although I will knit anything, at that time I made hats--a bunch of them--for my life here in Florida--lol! But they got me thru the tough times, and I continue today.
May I suggest checking out Ravelry if you haven't already?! For those evenings when your husband is watching something on the tube and you need something else. I guarantee you will love it.
Hang in there!!!

Country Girl said...

My friends,
I hadn't meant this to be a 'oh, woe is me post'. I really didn't. Reading it back, I see it's quite a bit sad, but all is ok. It's just difficult for him. The MRI of the brain takes just over an hour, it's with and without gad (contrast), so there's an injection as well.
Some of the techs aren't as kind as others and the rude one was on yesterday.
Amy, it is good to see you again~ all the way from Norway!
And yes, Michelle, I knit a bit. Barb T., thanks for the Ravelry suggestion. I joined this morning, which by the way, is a beautiful morning.

All is ok. Sorry to sound so blue.

~ C.G.

Hilary said...

Ah, yes, life can be hard sometimes. There's just nothing to do but plod on through it.
There will be better days, Kate, there will.

Gail said...

Keep the music in your head and it will give you comfort during the not so good times.

I, too, have walked out of doctor's offices. They seem to think only their time counts and we are just a number. Maybe, it is safer for the doctors to be less than human enabling them to withstand the sorrow of their job.

Granny always said, there is a reason for everything. You have rediscovered your love of knitting, maybe this is what you needed and God knew.

May blessings and love cover you. You are in my heat.

Gail said...

"heart"!!! You are in my heart is what I meant to say!!!! That ought to give you a smile!

A New England Life said...

That's a tough day Kate, for both of you. It's to bad your husband doesn't knit, it might calm him a bit.

I didn't realize your son was living with you. At least he serenades you with his beautiful music ; )

Karen said...

Although it might not feel like it, it's clear you are a huge comfort to him in this very difficult situation you are living. You are a good woman, Kate.

And isn't it wonderful to rediscover little joys you forgot for a while?...

Sharon said...

I know you only try to post happiness and good. But it is good to read the not so good to help me remember you are a real person. Hugs.

Mental P Mama said...

Love you. And, you won the book. Sending it to you today....

Anonymous said...

I don't know where to start. Your life, your joys, and your tribulations touch me. Well, so does George. IMHO I think that sometimes one must detach from the unnerving situation but just a little, just for a moment, exactly the way you and your husband did when he walked out of the MRI place.

I too have a brain tumor, plus I'm diabetic and have cervical cancer. I hate the treatment that's supposed to extend my life. Cancer is such a despicable and most humiliating disease. My husband who is 10 years older takes care of everything. He does the laundry, the shopping, the cooking, cleaning, yard work etc. He also takes our 10 year old daughter to music lessons, to school and back, to soccer and swim practice, to play dates (or hosts them here at home). All I do is slice up the hog and bring home the bacon. That's right, he's a stay at home Dad and I'm the wage earner.

I very firmly instructed my Cancer Center of VA that when they are running late, that they are to call me at home and advise me of it so I don't have to wait the hour or hour and a half in their lobby. I have also waked out of many a treatment. I've gotten off the radiation table and put my underwear back on in front of the male and female technicians and walked right out. I have also run away from the hospital after the 3rd day, against medical advice (AMA).

I also quit radiation while I still had 3 days remaining. I think I just needed a break, because I let the radiology oncologist talk me into returning a week later.

I'm still working and supporting my family and you know, I've never been happier. It's as if all bets are off now that I have cancer (shmancer) and I am free to enjoy every breath, every sound, every smile. I feel I am now free to be. This cancer crap and treatment is just one more thing I have to do. I'm very task oriented so going to my medical appointments allows me to check one more item off my To Do list. You know, like: pick up dry cleaning, shine shoes, wax upper lip, make a card for my mother, replace my bed pillows, get radiation, work on Halloween cards, walk the dog.

You and your husband should consider asking his treatment center to extend you the courtesy of calling you when they're running late. Your husband is the customer for Christ's sake! I don't see anything wrong with asserting your wishes. Hey, don't make me come out there!

Oh, one final anecdote. When my husband couldn't take me to one of my treatments, our next door neighbor Steve took me. One the way back he stopped at Carl's Ice Cream and bought me an ice cream cone. It was the best ice cream I'd ever tasted because it had been bought for especially for me. I'll never forget Steve's gesture as long as I live. And this is just another of many MANY reasons I am so dang happy.

I send virtual hugs to the both of you.

Anonymous said...

PART 1 -
I don't know where to start. Your life, your joys, and your tribulations touch me. Well, so does George. IMHO I think that sometimes one must detach from the unnerving situation but just a little, just for a moment, exactly the way you and your husband did when he walked out of the MRI place.

I too have a brain tumor, plus I'm diabetic and have cervical cancer. I hate the treatment that's supposed to extend my life. Cancer is such a despicable and most humiliating disease. My husband who is 10 years older takes care of everything. He does the laundry, the shopping, the cooking, cleaning, yard work etc. He also takes our 10 year old daughter to music lessons, to school and back, to soccer and swim practice, to play dates (or hosts them here at home). All I do is slice up the hog and bring home the bacon. That's right, he's a stay at home Dad and I'm the wage earner.

Anonymous said...

PART 2
I very firmly instructed my Cancer Center of VA that when they are running late, that they are to call me at home and advise me of it so I don't have to wait the hour or hour and a half in their lobby. I have also waked out of many a treatment. I've gotten off the radiation table and put my underwear back on in front of the male and female technicians and walked right out. I have also run away from the hospital after the 3rd day, against medical advice (AMA).

I also quit radiation while I still had 3 days remaining. I think I just needed a break, because I let the radiology oncologist talk me into returning a week later.

Anonymous said...

PART 3
I'm still working and supporting my family and you know, I've never been happier. It's as if all bets are off now that I have cancer (shmancer) and I am free to enjoy every breath, every sound, every smile. I feel I am now free to be. This cancer crap and treatment is just one more thing I have to do. I'm very task oriented so going to my medical appointments allows me to check one more item off my To Do list. You know, like: pick up dry cleaning, shine shoes, wax upper lip, make a card for my mother, replace my bed pillows, get radiation, work on Halloween cards, walk the dog.

You and your husband should consider asking his treatment center to extend you the courtesy of calling you when they're running late. Your husband is the customer for Christ's sake! I don't see anything wrong with asserting your wishes. Hey, don't make me come out there!

Anonymous said...

PART 4 (last one, I promise)
Oh, one final anecdote. When my husband couldn't take me to one of my treatments, our next door neighbor Steve took me. One the way back he stopped at Carl's Ice Cream and bought me an ice cream cone. It was the best ice cream I'd ever tasted because it had been bought for especially for me. I'll never forget Steve's gesture as long as I live. And this is just another of many MANY reasons I am so dang happy.

I send virtual hugs to the both of you.

Anonymous said...

PART 4 (last one, I promise)
Oh, one final anecdote. When my husband couldn't take me to one of my treatments, our next door neighbor Steve took me. One the way back he stopped at Carl's Ice Cream and bought me an ice cream cone. It was the best ice cream I'd ever tasted because it had been bought for especially for me. I'll never forget Steve's gesture as long as I live. And this is just another of many MANY reasons I am so dang happy.

I send virtual hugs to the both of you.

Country Girl said...

Dear Anonymous,
I wanted to reply quietly to you, but your e-mail isn't enabled and you're coming up 'noreply-comment@blogger.com'.
Your story amazed me and I'm touched by your frankness and your happiness at the same time.
I've written to the imaging place and after my letter, they let someone go which surprised me. But he was unkind and he needed to go. I'll take your advice and ask them to call but it's about a 35 minute drive from our house and although we have a center just 5 minutes away, we've only been there twice and each time was a horrible experience for my husband.

Hugs right back atcha. Keep the faith.

~ C.G.

Daryl said...

Casting on is always been hard for me .. for a very long time I had to have someone else do it for me .. and I am not a novice, I have knitted sweaters from complex patterns but casting on those first stitches is still a bitch ...

xo

Peppermint Ph.D. said...

Kate, 1st and foremost, hugs from Mississippi...sometimes I think we just have to sit still and welcome even the sadness.

2nd...Never apologize for postings which may not be as happy...you never know who's life you may touch with your honesty :)

beth said...

some days are like that. it's what makes us appreciate the really good ones. but you knew that already.

and i bet this winter you will blow us away with some amazing sweater that you knitted...and i will be impressed and jealous and all whiney about how untalented i am....

my sister knits and works in a knitting store. if she didn't have that to calm her nerves we'd be forever removing her from the ceiling.

Muddy Boot Dreams said...

You know that we are always here, ready to listen, to just be there for you.

Things are not always simple in life, maybe that's why we have such comfort from simple things, such as knitting.

Better days ahead.

Jen @ Muddy Boot Dreams

WarPony said...

I've been knitting for about a year and a half. It is like a meditation to me. I keep a small project in my purse at all times, take one of several with me everywhere I go. It is a comfort to me, and allows me to make things that are a comfort to others. I LOVE it.

Tiffany said...

Hugs to you and yours, Kate.

Mary said...

I'm hoping your weekend is much better! I can't imagine how crappy it must be to get all those MRI's -- the least they could do would be to make it as easy as possible...

(((hugs))) for you, my friend. Enjoy the beautiful weather!
xoxo,
Mary

Ellen said...

Oh Kate....I am so sorry. I wish I could help....no, I know I cannot....listening is the very best thing we can do, sometimes. I had the same experience with knitting. I used to knit like crazy in college, and then just got out of the habit. When I tried to pick it up....I couldn't remember how to cast on either. Seems it would be "hard-wired" but no......Sending good thoughts your way....smiles.

Snappy Di said...

I 've never met you but can picture you sitting on the stairs listening to your son's piano tunes. My mother played the piano when I was a child and I remember how much we all loved hearing her play, in fact sometimes we would beg her to play, one song in particular. The Bumblebee Boogie!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxNh5jTQQtQ
I wish I had paid attention to my piano lessons as a child and learned to play as piano music is so joyful... it fills the home.

Reddirt Woman said...

((((((Hugs))))))

Andi said...

{hugs} :)

J'Ollie Primitives said...

My sis is currently going thru radiation treatment for breast CA. She started a new job and keeps her health status quiet...except when her dang wig fell off....in front of her boss, who simply said, "well hey, another survivor!" boss survived stage IV breast CA, as it turns out.
~*hugs from Ohio*~

Jo said...

Kate, I know how terrifying those bi-monthly visits are. H*ll on earth doesn't begin to describe it, so having kind, understanding medical technicans, etc., is so important.

And your reader "Anonymous" is my new hero. :-)

Frosty Duncan said...

The important thing that I see in this is that you remembered how much you love knitting and heard your son play the piano, I hear people say how awful they're life is, and I think why am i so lucky, and then I realize I have a lot of bad falls, but I focus on the knitting and piano moments. Good Luck with the MRI, and give George a hug.

sharon said...

I go in for my yearly mammogram next month. each time I cross my fingers and pray for a clean bill of health. nine years and counting! Hang in there Kate. My husband knows how you feel. although he doesn't knit, just reads his horticulture magazine. Have a great Sunday tomorrow. flowers are always comforting...

Donna S. said...

Waiting is the worst when you are at something like that!! Knitting is something you should take to that appointment to pass the time & calm your mind.

Fearless Nester said...

If I didn't knit, I would pace I believe. But it's hard to pace when you're sitting as a passenger in the car, which is where I usually end up knitting. So glad you have a chance to rediscover the calm that knitting can bring. Hang in there dear. Hugs, ~Lili

Oliag said...

I see such beauty and love in this post Kate...the drive to a peaceful spot, a pastime renewed, sitting on the bottom of the stairs listening...Seems you found the best of a bad day.

When my sister was ill I bought yarn, needles, and a beginners book for her to take up knitting while she was stuck immobile following surgery or during chemo...she never did pick it up and this summer I found her yarn and started a scarf...As I knit I think of her. Knitting is therapeutic...

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

2 things: 1) I completely understand your husband's frustration. Regular tests are just a reminder of what's what, and making one wait that extra time is just insulting and cruel. It is so hard to rise above being just another number on a file.

2) I am the baroness of scarf-knitting. Nothing extravagant, just row upon row of knit and purl. I love the Zen-like trance of it all. It drives my MIL mad that I won't try anything else (she's bought me numerous lovely books to entice me). I'm just happy doing what I know...

xoxo

Snap said...

Knitting has saved me while waiting in the waiting rooms while Mr. Dragon is having his tests. Every three months for us. And, I agree ... blogging has cut into my knitting time. And, I started playing Farmville on Facebook while sitting in his hospital room ... talk about cutting into time ... knitting and blogging! But, it saves my sanity so on I go.

Jayne said...

(((((Kate)))))

Jill of All Trades said...

It's a post of how to deal with your day and life. We're here no matter what. We're here. Carla

Another Sister said...

XO

Deb said...

hope everything turns out great for you both...

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

As poignant as your post is, I'm just as moved by Anonymous's comment.

It sure helps put my little list of complaints in a greater perspective.

If your knitting is half as good as your photography and writing, I'd like to put an order in for a scarf right away.

Kay said...

What a rough day.....I have a young friend here, actually wife of a former co-worker who's son goes into hospital once a month for his intervenous ordeals. He is four years old, and has a liver transplant.... I am thinking of you and your husband.. it's a gorgeous day out here in Coos Bay, Oregon...

Brynwood Needleworks said...

Dear Kate:
Your beautiful solution to a trying day. We have a saying around here, "Music rounds all of life's hard edges". Hugs to you, my friend.
xoxo
Donna

Joe said...

Our prayers are with you Kate. I’ve always said that all a man needs is a good woman standing beside him. I have mine in my wife and it sounds like your husband has one in you. Guys don’t say it enough but you ladies are very much appreciated. Stay strong.

mrs mediocrity said...

I've been away this weekend doing a jewelry show, so I am late reading this, but I just wanted to say how much this touched my heart. so filled with life, real life, and hope, and love.
knitting calms me more than anything else, but i don't spend enough time doing it either.
and i am sending you a hug just now, in case you need it. or, you can save it for some other time when you do.

Carolynn said...

I've been away for a bit and am just catching up. So sorry to hear the day went poorly for you & your husband at the clinic. You must both be under a great deal of stress.

I love to knit, but I enjoy it more for the meditative element. I can't make anything that looks good or fits well to save my life.

I googled knitting when I restarted and found a great site that has video clips demonstrating how to cast on & cast off. *smile*

The sound of music played beautifully truly has a way of touching us deeply. I've always wanted to play the piano. Perhaps when I retire, I'll have time to take it up.

Blessings,
Carolynn

Anonymous said...

Okay, I've already commented once but I've just to say/ask this after reading other comments: does knitting really, really calm everyone down....cause, if so, sign me up! I'm in such a stupid stupid state of "extra-strength" anxiety right now. I've always thought it would drive my more batty than what I already am. That BEAUTIFUL scarf you've shown...well , that is something else! LOVE it!

Country Girl said...

Dear Anon,
No. I don't think knitting calms everyone down. A co-worker told me today of a friend she had in college that had an obsessive-compulsive disorder and could not put the knitting down until she'd gotten done a row. Then another row, then on and on and . . .

The simple, quiet movement of the stitches does tend to calm most people down. But I believe it can frustrate others. Just try it and see.

~ C.G.

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

WOW. I agree with CBW - an occasional dose of perspective does me some good.

Are you familiar with Stephanie Pearl-McPhee's Yarn Harlot? http://www.yarnharlot.ca/blog/ She has a blog and a few books, too. I really like how connects lessons from knitting with real life.

The Japanese Redneck said...

:) Hope things are better now!

Would luv to learn to knit, but really don't have the time for it now....