Tuesday, February 5, 2013

It is not my fault

 

that you are lonely

that you are bored

that you don’t like what’s for dinner

that you are disabled

that you have nothing to live for

that the only people you talk to are me and your doctors

that you are still alive

 

 

 

DSC_0161 copy 2

It is not my fault.

 

I am only trying to do my best.

 

 

Respectfully submitted,

123 Signature[5]

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. 

~Abraham Lincoln

 

 

* photo of eagle taken February 10, 2012 by my husband *

73 comments:

Low Tide High Style said...

Don't know what to say, except I hope things improve for everyone.

Kat

Country Girl said...

Things are always more difficult before the MRI day which is tomorrow. I can't imagine having to get an MRI every two months and to have done so for the past nine years. It takes a toll on a person's psyche is all I can say.

Gail said...

It's okay. You are human and a more patient kind lovable one than I could ever be.

Tammy said...

Sorry you are both going through this. Tests take a lot out of us and the build up is so stressful. I'll be praying for you both. Hugs!!

michelle said...

The supporting role is often just as hard....take care yourself. Good luck tomorrow.

Cloudia said...

no, it's not your fault. You are free to remain distant or neutral. Sometimes, or always.
As you already know, it's also your opportunity to choose your response; and I'd say choose it from a place that feels good to you!


Sending YOU Aloha
from Honolulu,
Comfort Spiral
~ > < } } ( ° >


Cloudia said...

and of course, my love and support are with you!

Country Gal said...

It is no ones fault ! No one asks for any of it , so there for no fault is to be blamed or taken , it is in the hands of the man upstairs . I do hope all goes well for you both . It is tuff for both of you. Lovely photo .

Deb Colarossi said...

Sending you a very sincere hug. I can't imagine.
xox

Candace said...

So sorry it's so hard.

Annette {This Simple Home} said...

Hugs and prayers.

Anonymous said...

You are doing your best. We always take it out on the ones we love the best. We just do.

Diane Cayton-Hakey said...

Hoping the MRI goes well, for both your sakes. Xox.


Linda said...

Love will save the day.

Ocean Breezes and Country Sneezes said...

Sending warm thoughts for you & your family.

Anonymous said...

My brother lived with a brain tumor for ten years. And MRIs.
I was the one who was there so his wife could work.
I called every day.
Visited many times a week.
I was the only one.
You are living my life.
It was the hardest thing ever.
Thirteen years have passed.
I still don't know how I did it.
You'll do it too.

Donna S. said...

Hope all turns out well tomorrow.

Michelle said...

Not your fault, not his fault, it just is. This, too, shall pass. Eventually. Hugs; we're here for you and care.

Christie - Fine Lines said...

Thinking good thoughts for your family tomorrow!

Flat Creek Farm said...

Hugs, prayers.. sending good thoughts your way. We have a friend who is now traveling this familiar path that you have traveled, and continue to travel. It's hard to know what to say.. except that we care ♥ -Tammy

Denise at Autumn Sky said...

All I have to offer is a hug and good thoughts. I hope that helps a little:-)

GailO said...

So sorry you are having such a rough time today Kate. Hang in there...and take care of yourself too. No it is not your fault.

Anonymous said...

It's so true, whomever said it, we always take things out on the ones we love. Guess we feel more comfortable taking out our frustrations.
I wish you well.

JaneK said...

{{{{{hug}}}}}
Thanks for sharing...... Life just sucks sometimes and it is hard to make head or tails of it..... So here's another hug

{{{{{hug}}}}}

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Anonymous said...

When I had cancer/chemo last year, I learned it was better to dwell on what I could do & not what I couldn't. Hope all goes well.

deborah said...

hugs and prayers

Em Parkinson said...

Will be thinking of you both tomorrow. X

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

No, it isn't your fault. Hang in there.

Snap said...

Looks like you are both proving to be human! My journey with my hubby and cancer was only a little over a year before he went to the stars. But I can relate to the seemingly constant visits to the clinics for this test or that and in the end ... for what?! Heads up! March on! Wishing both of you well. Hugs.......

Merisi Vienna said...

Thinking of you!
Warm hug,
Merisi

Deltaville Jamie said...

Thinking of you

Daryl said...

its no one's fault ... someone needs to start counting the good things not the bad .. like being able to take photos like that one ...

hugs

TSannie said...

Daryl...same thought.

My dear friend Kate: xoxoxoxoxoxo

Karen said...


Sending good vibes your way for a good MRI result -

Don't internalize the irrational thoughts and behavior - they come from a place even he doesn't want to understand.

Breathe deep and let it out, and know that you are one incredible person.

thecrazysheeplady said...

It all takes a toll. On everyone. And the caregivers especially. {{{hug}}}

Jeanette said...

I'm sorry.

Gayle said...

Sending healing thoughts.

beth said...

here's a hug....a really big one....and then i'm pulling away, looking into your eyes and reminding you that you are only human and YES, you're doing your best, you're trying your hardest and you're doing it all the only way you know how.

thinking of you today......xo

Anonymous said...

I hope you can take care of you in the midst of this hardship. It is not your fault. You didn't cause it, can't fix it, can't cure it and certainly didn't choose it.

The Weaver of Grass said...

As I am sure you know in your heart of hearts, everyone who is seriously ill has days like this and it falls to their loved ones/carers to bear their burden. Hope sunshine lifts the spirits and things improve. This comes with my love.

Anonymous said...

Sending a big, long hug. I was sick not that long ago and often wonder what hell I put my family, especially my son and daughter, through. People in your position deserve much love and respect.

JMCD said...

i wish there was something i could say that would encourage you as much as your beautiful pictures do me everyday.

Carolynn Anctil said...

Indeed. Good luck with the tests!

Carolynn
A Glowing Ember

it's me said...

A difficult journey for both of you. Being a caretaker and morale booster certainly wears us down.

The words tell one story, the soaring eagle another.

Donalyn said...

Hugs and Prayers, Kate...

thotlady said...

Warm wishes, for you and your family. You are strong and special.

thecatalanway said...

Oh my dear - you are right - it is not your fault and it must be hard. I was wondering what was going on - these days of 'out of sorts'.
Lots of love to you both and I hope having a bit of a blast helped you. It always does me!
Let your spirit fly high with the birds and see our earthly struggles from a different perspective. A hug from Spain xxx

Jen @ Muddy Boot Dreams said...

Sending you hugs and good thoughts....

It can't be easy.

Jen

mrs mediocrity said...

It's not your fault. And you can only ever do your best. Sending hugs and wishes that things go well today, and that tomorrow will be better for you both. xo

the wild magnolia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
the wild magnolia said...

Prayers and I hope the MRI brings good news.

Sorry you path is difficult. I have done difficult before.

Meaningful words. Good photo.

Warmest regards from this fellow blogger woman in south Florida for the winter.

Ellen said...

Hoping the MRI went well. Thinking about you.

Emom said...

love being sent your way......smiles!

Stella said...

Time for a trip to the city and to see your friends. You need a little support and Love. Love Stella

sharon said...

Dang how I hate MRI's and mammograms and doctor check-ups. I got to the point if I saw one more doctor I was going to scream. life is better now, I don't blame anymore or say why me? Thanks for doing your best!

MrsB said...

"You will never untangle the circumstances that brought you to this moment."

This was on Crazy as a Loom today.
Fits, no?

It is what it is.

JC said...

I can't even imagine being in your shoes let alone your husbands.

I hope the test goes well.

Is there a support group that he could join ? Maybe that you could ?

As someone who has health issues, I know the sadness that comes with it. The feelings that come too. Only I give myself a few moments, kick myself in the rear and start enjoying those precious moments that I have.

May your husband find those. May things get better. And, remember he's lost and doesn't know what to do to change all of this. I know that feeling.

Oh, and pet George for me with you .. I think Jodie Belle and Maddy Jean would like to be his girlfriends.

Just saying ...

JC

Kristin said...

Praying the love of those around you give you the strength to get through this. I've never had to care for a disabled spouse, but I can imagine it is exceedingly difficult and painful some days, and filled with the gratefulness of his presence on others. Sending you a hug and a warm cup of tea.

Hilary said...

I never had a problem with the MRI, until the one I had to have the day before my brain surgery. I was frazzled, from intense pain, fear, disbelief, you name it. My middle daughter dropped me off, and went shopping. She 'assumed' that I was ok.
I wasn't. I cried through the whole thing, which was much longer than usual, since they had to do my head with my neck flexed, and hyperextended. By the time I got out of there, I was a basket case. Now to even think of having another brain MRI makes me feel shaky and worried.
So I have to say, I get it, I do.

Anonymous said...

big hugs are heading your way, look at all the love and support. we are hear for you, love you through your blog & care so much. this too shall pass. love from texas, pam m.

Kay said...

It has to be tough for everyone involved. Keep up your spirit !!
Be strong..... Hoping for the best in the news department. Hugs to you. Kay

Suzanne said...

Hoping tomorrow will be a better day. Hugs

Hilary said...

No, it's not yours or anyone's fault. And I'm certain that his life if infinitely better because he has you in it. It's just difficult to focus on the good sometimes. Hugs to you, dear Kate.

ZeldaMom said...

I'm so sorry, I can't imagine what you and your family are going through, except that it has to be very difficult and certainly not what you had dreamed for your lives together. Just know that you have tons of love and support via the internet. Even though I'm not a hugger, Hugs to you.

Jan's camera said...

You are right. It is not your fault. I hear you and sympathize with you. I always want everyone to be happy and it hurts me sometimes that I can't fix everything for the people I love. I love the quote from Lincoln. That is exactly how I feel. I wish I could shout that out to everyone. Beautiful photo of the bird. Tomorrow will be better.

msdewberry said...

I so understand where you are coming from and how you feel. I could of wrote that post. We spend so much time taking care of and bolstering up our significant other, pouring our love into them but who takes care of us at those draining times. I could never tell my hubby how it drains me at times, he would be more depressed. Thank goodness for my couple of friends I can go to. I hope you have someone who will help you, listen to you, just let you talk. It helps. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Its not your fault and there is a brighter day around the next corner. Take care.

Lili said...

Big hugs to you Kate. An honest post in the moment is good for the soul. xoxo

Ramona JapaneseRedneck said...

The worst part for me is the helplessness. I guess that makes me a control freak.

You are strong, take care.

Linda Higgins said...

When I am in a situation that is life threatening (have been)I just get angry. I think that is my defense from being so afraid of the outcome. So I say get pissed off, get angry , scream, yell, you don't have to be strong, let your friends be strong for you! JUST LET IT ALL OUT, cry, have a really good cry, then dry your eyes take a really long nap, and get up and be the lady you are. Nothing wrong with being done.

His Song to Sing said...

The strength it took to post those words for the world to see is the strength that will see you through. Praying for you.

Lisa Gordon said...

It's not, Kate, but you "need" to really believe that.
Sending you hugs.

dorothy erdely said...

i know exactly how you feel. it's hard on the caregiver too. my ex-husband had a brain tumor 13 years ago. i had 2 young kids, worked full time managing a bookstore, cared for him 24 hours a day. it was a marriage in trouble before the tumor & i thought, "ok, God, if this is what it takes to restore our marriage, i'll do it." and i did. he got better. things got worse. i had a nervous breakdown. he left. now i'm better & better off & i know God is going to do wonderful things in my life. my prayers are with you. back then we didn't have a "community" of blogger friends to hold us up when we couldn't do it ourselves. you've got that! we're all here for you. let it out every once in a while. it'll kill you - or at least choke you - if you don't let it out. we understand. we care. we love you!