Saturday, October 17, 2009

Hello. It’s me.

(Long post Alert)

I just came inside from taking my second walk of the day. It’s been raining, windy and cold since I came home from the hospital Thursday afternoon and it’s not been very good walking weather.

My doctors told me that I needed to walk.

So I was trying to take small ones in my house, shuffling like a very old lady who can barely turn her head because of some crazy crazy pain in the tops of my shoulders all the way up to the back of my skull. (Probably from lying about all those days in a hospital bed).

I can’t believe how incredibly exhausted I am. I never want to speak again of the harrowing experience I had in the hospital (a very good one, I need to add), or the procedure I endured that eliminated a problem I suffered after having a routine gall bladder surgery last Friday. It’s just not conducive to moving forward at this point.

DSC_0244 copy 2

This morning when I woke up, I was still exhausted. I thought to myself that this has to end soon. I came downstairs and my husband served me breakfast and as I sat here afterwards, I remembered my doctor’s words as he sat on the edge of the hospital bed. He told me that people don’t understand why they’re not getting better when they’re resting all the time. Yes, you need rest, but we want you to walk. We want you to move around to the best of your ability. It will surprise you at how much better the fresh air and the movement will make you feel.

And it was still raining. I imagined myself taking a walk in it, getting my clothes on, getting all bundled up and waterproofed and just doing it. And it was enough to make me want to fall back to sleep again.

So imagine my husband’s surprise when I slowly came downstairs 15 minutes later, dressed and asking him to help me put my walking shoes on. Imagine a face lighting up with a big smile, especially after I told him I wanted to walk outside.

My husband has been my rock and support since I came home. He was beside himself with fear that I was so sick. I have always been the strong one since his brain cancer, handling everything we needed while helping him, so my illness was incredibly stressful for him.

He helped me with my shoes, my coat, my raingear and before we left I realized that I was even more tired now from doing all that! But outside we went into the rain. And immediately I was glad for having done so.

He took my arm as we began the trek around the house. Not very far, but I needed to take it slow. By the time we got down to the carport, I was in tears and turned to him telling him how happy I am that he was still alive. He laughed and said he’s not really doing anything, but thank you all the same.

As we headed out to the barn to stand inside and get out of the weather, my husband reminded me of a camping trip we took on New Year’s Eve when we were both 20 years old and we laughed remembering that. We woke up in our tent with our hats frozen to our heads as the condensation formed snow that was falling on us. God, that was a tough night.

And the Mumms Cordon Rouge froze.

George was all over the place, having spotted several squirrels in the yard. As he leaped and dashed from tree to tree searching for them, my husband hugged me and said we should move on.

After coming back inside, showering and getting into warm clothes, I was tired but happy and proud of myself for making that effort. Our eldest son, Matt, had come down from NYC to spend the weekend with us to help in any way he could and we asked him to set up the DVD player for us in the living room with the flat screen tv. After a quick trip to the WalMart, where he also picked up a movie for us to watch, we were in business.

My son and I adore movies and we try to go see one together whenever he’s in town. This afternoon, we watched Sandra Bullock in The Proposal and I’m not even going to write a review. I’ll just say that I loved it and leave it there. Loved it. Part of it takes place in Alaska and the scenery was incredible. But best of all, I’ll remember it as a movie I watched on a cold October afternoon with my son. Good times.

I can’t begin to thank you for your surprisingly kind comments and your support since I’ve been gone. I had no idea how many people really read this blog because I never check that stuff. I mean, I know from the comments but I rarely ever check page loads, etc. A good blogger would, I suppose. But I’m just not into it. And coming home this week, I had actually begun toying with the idea of letting the blog go.

But I can’t. So let me just say for now

Until tomorrow, my friends . . .

PS ~ It was raining too much to take any photos, so I stood in the dining room and snapped this one through the window. My husband smiled to see me with the camera again.

Oh Lord, another PS ~ Upon reading back the comments I've already received on this post, I just wanted to clarify what I meant when I said I was considering giving up the blog. I was just thinking of all the work that goes into producing a post and not being able to imagine doing it all. We all think of giving up our blogs from time to time (admit it, you do) and I have no serious intention to pull the plug. Ok. We're good.

63 comments:

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you back and moving around, however slowly. It takes time to get over what you have just been through, so take it one day at a time. We'll wait for you, don't worry. Just take care of yourself, and let us know you are OK once in a while. We'll miss you, but we understand.
Marilyn in VA.

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

Oh the joy of long-term companionship. To know we have someone to rely on and to help up and advocate for us when we are ill is such a comfort. It is heart-warming to read of the devotion you and your husband have for each other.

Take care, and I personally am glad you are going to continue blogging.

Marla said...

I am so glad you a starting to feel better. Walking always help.

Your husband sounds like a gem.

Molly said...

It's good to have you back...and sorry you had a rough time. Hopefully you are on the mend, and can get back to normal. I look forward to seeing your wonderful photography, when you are up to it.

Take care of you! (name that movie)

These Nine Acres said...

And I am smiling to see you getting back into your joyful spirit. I thought about you today as I looked out the window to the rain and I yearned for a warm cup of tea. I always think of you when I think of a warm cup of tea.

Still sending "heal faster" thoughts your way!

xoxo

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Hey toots! Glad you are up and moving! Take care! Walking is good!
<><

Deb said...

So glad to read that you are on the mend. Your support crew is obviously doing exactly what you need. That's awesome. Aren't husbands and sons great?!
I don't read as often as I would like but I would truly miss your blog if you decided not to continue it.

Take good care and follow Dr's orders. You'll be back to yourself in no time.

Cheers!

JC said...

I'm so glad you are back home.
I was worried about you.

I had gallbladder surgery a long long time ago. I actually went jaundice & had troubles.

I was hoping that your procedure would go better.

It does take a while to recover. Walking & stretching helps even though it hurts.

Please don't stop blogging ...

Thinking of you,

JC & The Purr Gang

Anonymous said...

So glad to see you are back again, I missed you. Please, please, please, don't give up your blog. It's a bright beginning for every morning to me and others!! I am glad for you for the time with your husband, and with your sons. You will get stronger everyday, and soon this will just be a bad memory.

Country Girl said...

Geez, I've been gone 45 minutes and I have all these comments asking me to not give up the blog. I am not giving up the blog. I just added to the original post to clarify it.

I thank you all. We all toy with giving it up sometimes, don't we?

~ C.G.

Linda said...

So glad you're home and getting out and around! Your hubby sounds like a wonderful man. See you here soon.

Living on the Spit said...

I consider it at least once a month...during that time when I can be really hormonal.

I am so happy you are taking it slow and have your wonderful men there to help make you smile...feel better soon.

Brenda @Cozy Little House said...

You know, when you mentioned how much pain you were in last week, before going back to the hospital, I just had this funny feeling. My gall bladder surgery was nine years ago, but the symptoms you mentioned just didn't sound right to me. I remember thinking something was just odd. I'm so glad you're better, and that your husband is here to smile at you with your beloved camera.
Brenda

Bush Babe said...

Adding my voice to those telling you to get over the 'blog wobbles'!! (In the nicest possible way). Just do less posts - only when you are really inspired. I love the little glimpses into your life and view of the world.

I have to say, when others tell me they struggle to think of posts to write, that I suffer from the opposite. I take so many blinking photos that there are about 20 posts backed up waiting to be written... I never wonder what I am going to write about! I wonder how I am ever going to have time to write about it all!

Also, wondering if you put any of your wonderful images up at Pioneer Woman;s texture post. If not then please do so - yours are the best!!!
:-)
BB

Kay on South Coast said...

Kate:I had not come to your blog for all this week (slap me with a noodle)...so sorry you were back in hospital....Glad you got out for your walk and bless your husband for helping you so much.
I am busy reading today as it rained this morning and now sunny and lots of leaves falling..
(here on south coast of Oregon)

CarlaHR said...

Kate, I'm so glad that you are doing better - hopefully you will have some more time off work to recuperate. I was worried when you had not posted for a while - I don't always comment but I treasure your posts, but if you feel it is too much who not cut back a bit - we'll all understand, after all you have a lot on your plate to deal with. Wishing you a speedy recovery - don't overdo.

Astaryth said...

I knew from the small post your sister left that you might not be around for a little bit. So glad you are feeling so much better. Isn't it amazing how much better you feel when you get up and move around? I always say i feel worse if I lay around :)

You were missed, but now that you are on the mend I look forward to seeing my favorite puppy ;p

Daryl said...

Yea!!! She's up and walking .. it is the best meds next to a hug from a husband and a visit from a son .. not to mention dear sister Char .. and Kathy .. and George ...the whole damn support team there and here ..

Tomorrow take the walking sticks and do slow circuit 'round the house ..

Muaaah!

Sandy aka Doris the Great said...

Good to have you up and around. One step at a time!

rxBambi said...

Glad to see you back on your feet, and also glad you didn't give up your blog. Although I'm new here I enjoy what you have to say, plus you love dogs, picture-taking and wine so the way I see it we are practically BFFs.

:)

Gayle said...

Yaaaaaaay, you are mending. So happy to know. What a great healing team you have, two legged AND four legged.
Gayle
San Diego

Gail said...

I am so proud of you! I am glad you are up moving and it will help you center.

It is so wonderful your husband is there to help you. The wonderful funny memories you spoke about while you were making another one was great.

Before long, you will be saying, "Remember when you helped me walk in the rain and we laughed in the barn?"

And you will smile and say hey, that wasn't so bad.

Donna S. said...

You are starting to sound like the Kate we know. Glad you are starting to get up & about. Take care!!

Muddy Boot Dreams said...

Kate, this post felt so intensely personal. Almost as if we were evesdropping on a conversation. But it is so heartfelt, and thank you for letting us into your life.

Keep walking, keep healing. We are very glad to hear that you are going to continue with blogging.

Jen

Hilary said...

Many would miss your "voice" if you gave up your blog. I hope you forget that notion.
Get well.......get strong......take your time.

Mary said...

Kate, I'm so happy to hear that you are on the mend, however slowly. What a sweet post -- sometimes it's funny how adversity brings us closer, and reminds us of all the things we take for granted... I loved reading about your walk with your husband, and movie night with your son. :)

Take your time, take care of yourself, and don't worry about the blog -- we'll all be here waiting for you, perhaps with a cup of tea and a story or two... :)
xoxo,
Mary

noble pig said...

Yes moving around is key. It gets your bowels moving after surgery has put them to sleep. There is no way to feel better until that's happening...and passing gas of course. Oh how I laughed writing that!

baronessvonb said...

Kate: Baby steps, my friend. Every day will be incrementally better; I promise. Shuffle all you want - you'll be surprised at how soon you'll be striding! All it takes is a good companion and a little fresh air - one of the things I truly missed during my hospital stays(especially the one in Isolation, when I couldn't even open the window - Gah!).

It is very telling of your beautiful character that you didn't consider how much we'd all miss your blog if you folded up your tent; your words and photography have more of an impact on people that you could ever know.

Big Gentle Hugs.

Sue said...

Hi Kate....I have been gone for a few weeks at daughter's house so I missed reading that you had surgery....Not a good thing.I hope every day improves and that your feeing your old self real soon....so wonderful that you have such a kind concerned and helpful better half....May you feel better real soon.....Sue @ Rue Mouffetard.

Rileigh's Lolli said...

There are so many things in life that are unexpected and often set us back a step or two. But you are moving forward now, one step at a time. Depsite the bad times of late, you now have some good things to remember on the other side of the bad...a movie with your son and a walk with your sweet husband and precious dog, and the many friends who love you and wish you the best and more!
Attitude is more than half the battle to recovery! You go, Girl! Jeanne

mary said...

Kate,
Hang in there! As my mom used to say,"this too will pass". Don't do too much, but keep up the walking! This rainy weekend will end soon-and the sun will soon be out!

Ellen said...

So glad to hear that you are on the mend. Isn't it wonderful to have a spouse who is there for you?

Feel better.

Sugar Creek Beads said...

How happy to see you are up and about again but keep those walks slow and steady. Would hate to think of you back in the hospital again. Isn't it amazing how women in the world of Blog can become such caring friends even if you never meet in person. You are a special lady and I look forward to having you and your wonderful photos back again when you feel better. Jeanne

Annie said...

Just love that "outside from the inside" photo Kate...so pretty and delicate with the curtains framing it!

So sorry to hear you have been back tot he hospital...(I have been away with the grandchildren...and with sisters in town)! busy busy...!

Thinking of you! God bless you both.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Get out into that fresh air as often as you can. Breathe it in deeply. Spend as much time as you can outdoors.

And kiss that husband of yours.

msdewberry said...

Glad to see you are venturing out. Slowly but surely you will feel better and better.
Take care!!!

Snappy Di said...

We all know how exhausted this surgery has had you... the doctor is right. You must get up and move around because not only does it help to rebuild your energy it also staves off depression after a surgery.

I always enjoy stopping by, Kate. Your blog and your words are lovely. Just post when you can as your health MUST come first and we all know that.

Hugs,
Di

Michelle said...

What goes around comes around, and all the care and love and support you've given your husband is coming back to you. 'Tis fitting -- and heartwarming. :-)

Hobo ........ ........ ........ said...

The readings And I was in tears.
Peace, health, happiness for you I wish & I pray. Amen.
Good The son is present And lovely partner And walks.
Handshake Sir.

Barb T. said...

I just got back from a 2+ week vacation with virtually no internet; I am flabbergasted!!! Kate--I am so happy you are mending and moving. Continue to strengthen and get well.
My good thoughts are flowing your way.

Debbie said...

Glad to hear you are improving and feeling better.

Firefly Hill said...

Hi Kate,
I am so glad you are feeling a little better...I hope you stay on that path. I am new to your blog and just love it...glad you are not giving it up.

annie

maillady said...

so kate, glad your feeling better and in time you will be yourself again.. it's wonderful to hear how much andrew is helping you. it is probably a blessing in disguise to both of you and your relationship... oh the joys if illness.. well, until you visit again. love and happy thoughts. peg

Kerri said...

I have to admit I was very worried before your sister posted. So sorry that you had to go through that.
About your post...I got goosebumps when I read about how sweet your hubby has been through all of this..and so glad your son was down for some special time with you. One day hopefully you will look back on this with a few fond memories.

I would be devastated if you ever pulled the plug on this or your other blog...what would I read first thing in the mornings?? But seriously - if you need to take it slow with blogging, take it slow!
But just get better!!!!

Katy, in case you didn't know this already - You Are Very Special!

Anonymous said...

HI Kate,
Glad you are feeling better...walking or riding always makes me feel better no matter what is wrong. Glad you are going to continue your blog....you have a nack for telling a good story and I enjoy reading them. I don't have a blog myself but I have a few that I like to keep up with.
Cheers,
Karen

Hilary said...

Wow, Kate. I was behind in my reading and had no idea you were going through complications after your gall bladder surgery. I'm so sorry you've been feeling so poorly. I'm happy for you - for the needed support which you are receiving. I'll continue to send best healing thoughts your way.

becky up the hill said...

Oh it's good to hear your voice again. Just an FYI, I had a different kind of surgery once. I was shocked and surprised at the grinding weariness that consumed me. I even called my dr. back and talked to her to make sure I was okay. She said for what I went through I was. I had my doubts. Then after a few weeks, I was outside in my garden and I felt different..as in better. The grinding weariness had lifted. I knew I was on the mend. Truly I had been 'on the mend' the whole time; I just didn't 'get' the tired feeling that was eating my soul thing. All that to say...take it easy and understand that your body is healing..and it will feel pretty rough, even after a good night's sleep or a 'do nothing day'...give yourself the gift of letting your body heal.

Amy said...

Hi Kate, through good times and bad, obviously your husband respects those vows as much as you do- that is what makes a good marriage, knowing that life is full of both good and bad and being there for each other through it all. Your care and love for each other is admirable. Glad you aren't having serious thoughts of hanging up the blog, that would ruin my day and many others I'm sure. It's like coming home to read your blog...hard to explain but I feel a connection to you and your husband and of course George, even though I've never met any of you and never will probably...take care my friend and be well...

Krista said...

You're funny. With everything that you've been through, you're worried what people are going to think? If you want to give up your blog, you have the right (but I'm glad you're not ; )
Keep getting better and enjoy every little thing!

TSannie said...

Hugs to you my friend, loads of hugs! So glad you went outside - it will get easier with each new day.
Miss you! And you know I'm a short drive away if you need anything.

Alli said...

You provide such an inspiration for me. I've always found it difficult to appreciate things when I've had a bad day (much less surgery!!) but you make the effort to go and enjoy each day. Thank you for sharing your journey with us and I'm very glad that you won't be giving up blogging!

Maria said...

Oh my. I had no idea. You take care and let George and your husband take care of you too.

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

Keep better better! I hope you never give up blogging because that would leave such an emply hole for so many who enjoy it!

Debra (a/k/a Doris, Mimi) said...

Oh nooooooo...please don't give up blogging. I've been checking in with you almost since the very beginning. You're like a cherished friend...dropping by to share a cup of coffe (or tea in the summer), chatting as if time doesn't exist. I am glad to see you on the mend. You've been on my mind, sweet Kate. Take care :)

Jill of All Trades said...

I'm so glad you are back, sort of. Take care and take it very easy. I've had the thoughts, I will admit to stop my blog, but I just can't do it. Again, glad you are back and healing.

cottage farm villa said...

Oh Kate, I have so much to say. First of all, working at a nursing home/rehab center ~ doc is right! You must get up and move. We get people from the hospital who have been there sometimes for a week or more and are elderly ~ and they are so weak that they are sent to our rehab. The therapists get them up the very next day to get them moving. These are people in their 70's and 80's and ill. So it is true ~ you have to get up and walk and exercise. Gently, my dear. They do therapy for 3 hours in the morning. I will be thinking of you girl!

Second, I also watched the proposal ~ and you are right, the scenery is so beautiful in Alaska. I had forgotten about the long days and I thought the film editor made a mistake when Sandra Bullock went to go to sleep in the beautiful bedroom of his parents house and the sun was still out!! Being from Southern California and near Hollywood, I always critique mistakes I see in movies (hair combed a different way in the same scene because they filmed the scene on different days etc.) I love catching the mistakes...then I remembered, oh yea, it's Alaska!! anyway.... I am happy to hear you got to spend time and watch it with your boy....such special times those are when they have lives of their own and we don't see them so much.

I, too, recently have been thinking about giving up the blog...but have since thought, will that mean I give up photographing ~ something that gives me so much joy? ~ and if YOU gave up YOUR blog, I would not only miss a new friend - but reading your blog is almost like reading a biography ~ and I don't want it to end.

~ hugs for you Ms. Kate

~ Cheryl

Mental P Mama said...

I. Freaking. Love. You.

Tag said...

It's a lovely photo, I'm so sorry you've been so sick, and I'm glad you're back. And thanks.

Oliag said...

Dear Kate..
So glad to hear you are starting to feel more like yourself...and isn't it amazing to discover that you can find some cherished memories and make more cherished memories even when recuperating...please take the time you need to feel better without "blog guilt":)

Egghead said...

Oh dear I have been waaaay behind on reading everyone and writing. I know what you mean giving up the blog and I have been rather blocked for a while on mine. I will get back but for now just an occasional one will have to do. But I love reading yours and looking at all the beautiful photos...somehow just soothes my heart especially lately. Long story.Hope you continue to get healthy. One day at a time Kate.

Egghead said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
A Scattering said...

As the Irish blessing goes "may the wind always be at your back". Glad to hear you're on the mend.

Mary @ Framed and Tagged said...

Kate,

I'm so glad you are feeling better...just keep moving even if its only walking in the house. I was sick the whole month of December but thankfully now I'm well.
it will happen for you too.
Take care!