Hello. It’s me.

(Long post Alert)

I just came inside from taking my second walk of the day. It’s been raining, windy and cold since I came home from the hospital Thursday afternoon and it’s not been very good walking weather.

My doctors told me that I needed to walk.

So I was trying to take small ones in my house, shuffling like a very old lady who can barely turn her head because of some crazy crazy pain in the tops of my shoulders all the way up to the back of my skull. (Probably from lying about all those days in a hospital bed).

I can’t believe how incredibly exhausted I am. I never want to speak again of the harrowing experience I had in the hospital (a very good one, I need to add), or the procedure I endured that eliminated a problem I suffered after having a routine gall bladder surgery last Friday. It’s just not conducive to moving forward at this point.

This morning when I woke up, I was still exhausted. I thought to myself that this has to end soon. I came downstairs and my husband served me breakfast and as I sat here afterwards, I remembered my doctor’s words as he sat on the edge of the hospital bed. He told me that people don’t understand why they’re not getting better when they’re resting all the time. Yes, you need rest, but we want you to walk. We want you to move around to the best of your ability. It will surprise you at how much better the fresh air and the movement will make you feel.

And it was still raining. I imagined myself taking a walk in it, getting my clothes on, getting all bundled up and waterproofed and just doing it. And it was enough to make me want to fall back to sleep again.

So imagine my husband’s surprise when I slowly came downstairs 15 minutes later, dressed and asking him to help me put my walking shoes on. Imagine a face lighting up with a big smile, especially after I told him I wanted to walk outside.

My husband has been my rock and support since I came home. He was beside himself with fear that I was so sick. I have always been the strong one since his brain cancer, handling everything we needed while helping him, so my illness was incredibly stressful for him.

He helped me with my shoes, my coat, my raingear and before we left I realized that I was even more tired now from doing all that! But outside we went into the rain. And immediately I was glad for having done so.

He took my arm as we began the trek around the house. Not very far, but I needed to take it slow. By the time we got down to the carport, I was in tears and turned to him telling him how happy I am that he was still alive. He laughed and said he’s not really doing anything, but thank you all the same.

As we headed out to the barn to stand inside and get out of the weather, my husband reminded me of a camping trip we took on New Year’s Eve when we were both 20 years old and we laughed remembering that. We woke up in our tent with our hats frozen to our heads as the condensation formed snow that was falling on us. God, that was a tough night.

And the Mumms Cordon Rouge froze.

George was all over the place, having spotted several squirrels in the yard. As he leaped and dashed from tree to tree searching for them, my husband hugged me and said we should move on.

After coming back inside, showering and getting into warm clothes, I was tired but happy and proud of myself for making that effort. Our eldest son, Matt, had come down from NYC to spend the weekend with us to help in any way he could and we asked him to set up the DVD player for us in the living room with the flat screen tv. After a quick trip to the WalMart, where he also picked up a movie for us to watch, we were in business.

My son and I adore movies and we try to go see one together whenever he’s in town. This afternoon, we watched Sandra Bullock in The Proposal and I’m not even going to write a review. I’ll just say that I loved it and leave it there. Loved it. Part of it takes place in Alaska and the scenery was incredible. But best of all, I’ll remember it as a movie I watched on a cold October afternoon with my son. Good times.

I can’t begin to thank you for your surprisingly kind comments and your support since I’ve been gone. I had no idea how many people really read this blog because I never check that stuff. I mean, I know from the comments but I rarely ever check page loads, etc. A good blogger would, I suppose. But I’m just not into it. And coming home this week, I had actually begun toying with the idea of letting the blog go.

But I can’t. So let me just say for now

Until tomorrow, my friends . . .

PS ~ It was raining too much to take any photos, so I stood in the dining room and snapped this one through the window. My husband smiled to see me with the camera again.

Oh Lord, another PS ~ Upon reading back the comments I've already received on this post, I just wanted to clarify what I meant when I said I was considering giving up the blog. I was just thinking of all the work that goes into producing a post and not being able to imagine doing it all. We all think of giving up our blogs from time to time (admit it, you do) and I have no serious intention to pull the plug. Ok. We're good.