I never think of counting sheep

I’m writing this in the wee small hours of the morning while the whole wide world is fast asleep. I’d actually been lying in bed for the past hour or so while that song went through my head, over and over and getting up was the only way to get it to stop. It’s not often that I wake up like this and can’t get back to sleep, and my heart goes out to those who suffer from this on a regular basis.

Things always seem worse in the middle of the night.

The funeral for my husband’s brother was held on Saturday afternoon. It was actually quite beautiful and very well-attended and I left there with a lighter heart. It was good to be with family afterward – and I think Rich would have loved the Ravens game that we watched in his den after dinner. I would have loved to stay but my husband and I left to get back to the dog (and to get my husband away from the crowd).

Sunday dawned with a heavy mist that has yet to lift. I decided to take a walk with the dog around the property, bringing the camera with me.





If you look closely, you can almost see the house just to the left of center in the image above.

He always waits for me.

I had plans for today that included grocery shopping and then taking down all the rest of the holiday decorations but I just couldn’t get my act in gear. I finally had to force myself to go out and get the shopping done.

This is one chore that was always done by my husband and is one that I truly dislike. I can’t recall exactly when he stopped doing it on a regular basis but I believe it was after the last brain surgery in 2011. I took over the job after that and never do it on a regular basis. I often stop on the way home from a long day at work, or am always forgetting something on the list, or getting the wrong item. But it’s the lugging it all into the house that really gets to me and by the time I get it all in there, I still have to put it all away. And then I get angry with myself over complaining in my mind when I should feel glad that we have food to eat and a place to live.

Oh my gosh - I hate this woe is me shit.






Because the day felt sort of somber, I decided to make comfort food for dinner for my husband and I and give up on the putting away of the holiday stuff. I decided on a chicken tetrazzini recipe that I found online by Giada De Laurentiis. It was actually quite delicious but the preparations left my kitchen a disaster area, as my bechamel sauce boiled over on my antiquated stovetop on the only burner that works. It was quite the mess and I got angry with myself for being such a sloppy cook. While putting away the ingredients and cleaning up, I realized I’d completely forgotten to add one – but it was only the parsley. It could have been something much more important, and I say that with no disrespect to the pretty green herb.

Cooking is not something that comes naturally to me.

Eating, on the other hand, does. Unfortunately.

* snort *






I can’t seem to shake this sense of foreboding that I have. So I’m just going to tell myself that it’s three in the morning is what it is, and a lot of people have feelings like this in the middle of the night for heaven’s sake.






My husband told me that he wished it were him that was gone and not his brother. I don’t know what to say about that. But I do know that the world just doesn’t seem right today.

And the chicken tetrazzini didn’t make anything better.

But it did taste really good.

:   :   :

Here’s to a better tomorrow, then ~ for all of us.